Merry Christmas

As I sit here in the still of Christmas morning, I am so thankful. My children are off to Savannah with their father- so different than how I grew up. When I think about my life's choices and events that led me to this moment, I'm grateful for this day. The day chosen to celebrate the birth of My Savior.  My Savior looked to this day in 2015 knowing at some point I would come back to Him and surrender my all to Him. He knew I would need Him to comfort and heal all the bruises of my life choices. He knew I would need a heart of vengeance changed to a heart of love. He knew that I would need LOTS of forgiving and to be taught how to forgive others. He knew there would be a day that I felt like giving up. He knew I would have given up if not for Him and I would not have this day to live for and glorify Him. As He told Jeremiah "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you..."

He knew I would mess up. He knew I would hurt people and get hurt by people. He knew it all and decided to come that I may have a right to the tree of life. He knew and still wanted to restore the relationship with me. It doesn't matter to me what the exact date or season that the birth took place. I am just thankful that it did....just for me.

Merry Christmas to you all!!

Love y'all!!!

From Pain to Passion and Purpose

What a nice shiny box all covered with glitter and gold being presented before me. I can’t imagine how great this must be. I will just wait until I get home to unwrap it. I must be really special to receive a gift because I didn’t even ask for one and it isn’t a special day. It is wrapped so nicely, I don’t really care what is inside. I loved my shiny gift, wrapped so perfectly just for me. I treated it like treasure, placing it on the mantle for the entire world to admire. Everyone should know that this is mine, all mine.

Over time the glitter began to fall first exposing the gold that had lost its luster. Each day as I handled it, I noticed that this might not be gold at all. There is no more shine. One day while holding my treasure a knife protruded from the side, piercing my heart. No problem, I will just repair the damage and love the box more so it won’t do that again. I will cover it in a thick wrapping of care and concern and edification. While I am at it, let me place a shield of armor over the piercing on my heart. Let me shield the lesson and protect it for future reference. I won’t ever forget where that knife came from and how it hurt.

I don’t understand! How did this knife get through my wrapping? How did it find the unshielded place of my heart? Pierced again. Time and again I re-wrap the box with thicker wrappings of love. I even put some glitter on it to make it feel special. Time and again I place another piece of armor over the piercing until there isn’t anymore of my heart exposed. I am all out of wrapping for my gift. I have nothing left to give. So I look inside my heart behind all the armor. Maybe there is something there I can give. I find lesson after lesson after lesson. When I covered it, there was hurt but when I returned to my heart, it was healed.  My heart thanked me and I was puzzled.

My heart spoke:

            I am so full of love as I always have been. I was broken when you neglected me for your new treasure. From me flows the springs of life; I determine your life’s direction. No other treasure can take my place. I thank you for shielding me. It gave me time to heal. The armor protected the purpose that I hold for you. With each piercing, more purpose. It is safe now. You won’t hurt anymore. Take off the armor. Release your passion. Walk in your purpose. I love you. One last thing…

Next time unwrap the box before you take it home.

The Silent Sufferer

So often we find out the things people are dealing with after a tragedy. The common remark from people close to a situation is "I had no idea that was going on". It is so sad to realize that with billions of people on this earth that people still suffer in silence. People from youth to seasoned adults choose to keep their pain and sorrow hidden and harbored. There could be several reasons why we suffer in silence. As youth, it is often the belief that no one will believe me. As adults we may feel as though we brought the situation on ourselves due to our choices. The most despairing thought is that no one cares or nothing will change anyway. People subscribe to the belief that what goes on in the house, stays in the house causing those inside the house to suffer in silence, behind closed doors and covered windows. It is human nature to only want people to know the good we do and hide our faults and demons. If your faults are causing physical or emotional harm to others, don't hide them and don't expect others to hide them, GET HELP!

Your happiness matters. Your safety matters. Your life matters. Your well being matters. Your physical well being, your emotional well being, your mental well being....it matters. Don't suffer in silence to protect image, titles, positions, egos, reputations. Not yours and not theirs. If you are hurting, tell someone that you are hurting. If you are being hurt, tell someone. Don't continue to suffer in silence. 

Love Y'all!!!

When They Let You In

I recently had the opportunity to be the guest in the home of someone I didn't know. We had both recently attended a small networking event for women. I'm not the best with names but I can remember faces and facts about someone. I can remember what you look like and what you do but it will take a few encounters and conversations for names to transfer to the memory bank. At these types of events, everyone is hoping to find support and find valuable services for themselves. I was quite interested in her business so I made a mental note and tucked it away for future reference.  A few weeks later she was hosting an event for her business but the date clashed with a previous engagement. It turns out that my first engagement was postponed so I notified her that I would be attending. Going to events alone is a huge thing for me. I'm that support person, in the background, sitting back taking everything in. When I arrived, my fear confronted me as the doors opened. I DIDN'T KNOW ANYBODY THERE. I didn't even really know the hostess but at least she would have been a familiar face. She was off in another room prepping for the event. So I sat as the others enjoyed their wine and went to my handy dandy.....Cell Phone! 

Throughout the event, things were discussed, revealed and shared; really personal things. I sat and thought- 1) How kind and brave to open your home to people that you don't REALLY know 2) How brave it is to share to this extent in the audience of people you don't REALLY know 

Proverbs 4:23

Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.

We all have things of value in our homes that if broken may cause some heartache or disappointment. When someone invites or allows you into their home, there is an expectation that their home will be cared for and not damaged or destroyed. Things, items and stuff can be replaced in most cases. When it comes to a person, it isn't as easy and an Amazon order to put things back in place. When someone gives access to their life, it should not be taken lightly. Those things hidden in the heart are precious. What lies in the heart? The hopes, the dreams and the fears all reside there. If someone trust you enough or is brave enough to take the risk of sharing details of their past and goals for the future with you, honor that. 

The heart is guarded above all else, when they let you in, don't break anything. 

Love y'all!!!

Dust Off Your Feet

As we traverse through this time span called our lives, we are bound to encounter individuals or groups of individuals that need our help. It is inevitable that at some time, we will need assistance or encouragement for ourselves. There are people for whom it is a passion and purpose driven call to help others. There is seldom an occasion that you wouldn't be drawn to help; it is just how the wires are connected. Many of the self-care skills that are prescribed for the helping professions must also be applied to personal relationships. It is important to understand that true change will only occur when the individual decides to change. There will be times that you want better for a person than they have decided that they want for themselves. This may not be obvious from the outset, but in time, it will be made clear. 

And if a town refuses to welcome you, shake its dust from your feet as you leave to show that you have abandoned those people to their fate.

You will find that some people will only call or come around when they need some help. There will be some people who ask for your advice or guidance but will consistently ignore it. There will even be those people that you reach out to for a listening ear but in return you will get a litany of their issues, leaving you more burdened  than you initially were. 

It doesn't make much sense to continue to attempt to force change or enable negative habits and behaviors. What benefit is there to pushing against a brick wall?  How does it help when you are losing your voice or losing sleep then others are content with the paths they have chosen? While I'm never an advocate for 'giving up' on a person or situation, I do think that wisdom will show you when you have done all that you can do. There are even times when you can speak from a prophetic voice that people will turn a deaf ear. 

The hardest thing to do is to leave someone you care about to their own devices when unnecessary struggle, doom and gloom are imminent....but sometimes it is just necessary. It doesn't mean that you don't care. I am of the belief that as long as there is life, there is hope. Continue to hope....Continue to pray.

Love y'all!!!

COMMITTED

Remember the vows you made to your spouse on your wedding day. Remember the promises that you've made along the way. Don't forget the work, sacrifices, adjustments and tweaking  it took to get to this very moment. It seems pretty easy to get all dressed up (or not) and stand before God and guests and repeat after the officiant. I promise (vow) to love, honor, and cherish you, keeping myself only unto you. What does that really mean? Is it just tradition, a following of what's expected to be said?

To love according to 1 Corinthians 13, you are saying that you will be patient with your spouse, your will support and not be jealous of their successes, you will not boast of your accomplishments in a rude or arrogant way. You are committed to compromise, and being honest and truthful. You will not continually remind of past failures or errors. When you vow to love you vow to believe your spouse and believe in your spouse and endure with your spouse. This love is always available and never fails. 

To honors is  to regard or treat (someone) with admiration and respect. Greet your spouse when you see them. Don't call them names or speak negatively about them in public. Don't do anything to them that you would not want done to you.

To cherish is to hold dear, cultivate with care and affection. Don't take your spouse for granted. Treasure the time that you have been given to share. Ask a widow or widower what they would do for just a little more time. To keep myself only unto you- that's simple - DON'T CHEAT!!! Not physically, not emotionally. Don't  give other people any parts of your body, time or attention that are for your spouse! 

Take a moment to look at your wedding video or pictures to remind yourself why you said 'I Do' and who you said it to (somebody needed that reminder). 

Stay committed.

Love y'all!!!

BE ANGRY BUT SIN NOT

In my life, I have repeatedly found myself in situations where I was upset but then made to feel as though I had no right to be. I think we have all found ourselves in situations that caused us to feel angry. There seems to be an expectation for people not to become angry. If you get angry, you aren't kind. If you get angry, you couldn't possibly a Christian. These views could not be farther from the truth. I was once in a training for CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) and the facilitator made a statement that made all of the sense in the world but I had never thought about it before then. Anger is not the initial emotion. Most people move to feeling anger after one of three - hurt, fear, or disappointment. These are all feelings that are acceptable and understandable, so why is not anger more understood? Why am I not allowed to feel anger and still be a good Christian person? Being a kind person does not mean that you don't hurt, you don't feel fear or you don't have expectations that sometimes don't get met. On any given day a person can encounter situations that could lead to feelings of anger.

                                                      

Ephesians 4:26-27King James Version (KJV)

26 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:

27 Neither give place to the devil.

Our responsibility lies in how we respond to the anger. Incorrect responses include but are not limited to retaliation, revenge, retribution, withdrawal, shutting down or internalizing. Recognize the source of the anger and process the feeling from there. Address the hurt, face the fear, verbalize your expectations. Find your peace and rest in it. 

Love Y'all!!! 

JUST KICKING IT!!

Save yourself for the one from God. What's the harm in kicking it from time to time? When God designed you, He put everything inside you to fit the Boaz He designed for you. You were created beautiful, wonderfully made, more precious than rubies or diamonds. 

Along came bozo #1 and you cooked dinner for him while y'all were kicking it. What's the harm? After all, you love to cook. When bozo  #1 is out of the picture, he takes with him a part of that love for cooking. He leaves behind the pain and regret that you gave so much of your gift to someone undeserving. So when you meet the next guy, you have resolved not to cook. The harm in that is your Boaz is designed to love that about you. With each temporary experience, we are changed. This change is not always for the positive. Repeated experiences of disappointment and unfulfilled expectations slowly eat away at your mine of precious jewels. There is no future in just kicking it. There is no hope of commitment or planning for the future. The only thing to look forward to is the next time you will kick it. How much of your treasure will you lose the next time? How much hurt and disappointment will he leave with you? How will the soul connection changed who you are? Can you walk away as the Proverbs 31 woman that you were designed to be?

How do you know he's Bozo? You can't base this on looks, dress or location. You can find bozos in the street, at work, at the club and in the church. Yes, it is sad to say but they are in the church too. If he requests or requires you to lower your standard to be with him, that is Bozo. If he is okay with taking your virtue with no regard, that's a Bozo. If he wants husband treatment with boo or boyfriend status, that is a Bozo. 

The Bozo isn't worth it. Just kicking it isn't worth it. You leave a bit of your  soul with everyone that comes and goes. What's even worse is that an individual that had no plans of commitment or fidelity has left a part of them with you. Their patterns, attitude and behaviors have become a part of you.

Your Boaz will commit to you, plan a future with you, respect and honor you. He won't compromise your value because he is holding to a God standard also. Boaz is looking for his Ruth and not a Jezebel. Get a standard, raise your standard and hold to your standard. There are some goals and personal improvement tasks that need your attention.
Stop wasting your time just kicking it!!